My Week of Embassy Duty (20-27 Feb)

So, for those who don't know much about the State Department and all of the wonderful things Foreign Service Officers get to do overseas, let me tell you about every FSO's favorite task: Embassy Duty!!

Here's what I think of Embassy Duty ====>

Let me explain. During this wonderful week, all after-hour calls are forwarded to the duty officer. An American dies while in Austria...they call me. An American is arrested and put in jail...they call me. An American is kidnapped, hospitalized, robbed, or detained at the airport for whatever reason....they call me. The list goes on. But the most common is lost passports. Say you are a tourist in Austria and you lose your passport. What do you do? You call the US Embassy. When you do, you'll speak with either a marine guard or the switchboard operator. Either way, if you call after-hours, your call gets forwarded to me. And yes, this includes all hours of the night and weekends as well.

So if you're the moron who loses your passport on Tuesday night, and you decide that you don't need a passport and try and board a plane anyway on Saturday afternoon, you'll be talking to me after security probes your innards. (and honestly people, your passport is your life when you're overseas...so don't be that guy. we don't like that guy.) And my favorite is when I tell this person, "I'm sorry, you'll have to go to the Consulate on Monday morning in order to get a new passport" and he/she jumps down my throat. "But my plane is leaving in 2 hours! You're the Gov't, just tell them to let me on!" Yeah....it totally works like that. "Excuse me, Mr. Security Person, this guy's cool. I vouch for him." So then this person might say, "Can't I go to the Consulate now? Aren't you open on the weekend for emergencies?!?" Guess what? A. Gov't ain't open on the weekends...just like back home!! I know, it's a shocker. B. This is the furthest thing from an emergency. Especially when you had almost all week to get a new passport. But I guess seeing The Belvedere ranks higher than getting back home (for those who don't know, The Belvedere is a palace here in Vienna). Well anyway, after talking with whomever calls and hopefully solving his/her problem, I get to jot everything down in the Duty Log.

I actually had a very tame Duty week. I had very few calls, and none that woke me up in the middle of the night. Woohoo! I'll probably only have to do this one more time before we depart next summer. I just hope it's as quiet as it was this time (and that it's not during a holiday...those suck). So all in all, I guess I should be thankful that no one died on me! Apparently they call the duty officer to identify the body. How does that work? "Oh yeah...that's definitely John Mills. How do I know? Ummm....he looks like a John. I'll call his emergency POC and get them to describe John to me."

Oh yeah...it's also fun when a drunk or possibly mentally handicapped person (is there a difference?**) calls you for help. It's even more fun when you find out they don't speak English. And yes, even more fun still when you learn they are Serbian....and this just days after Kosovo declares independence and the US Embassy in Belgrade is attacked. But I'll stop there before I go on one of my little rants.

well maybe just a small one......WHAT THE HECK SERBIA! DID WE FORCE KOSOVO TO DO IT? DO WE EVEN CARE? WHERE THE CRAP IS KOSOVO ANYWAY? I COULDN'T HAVE POINTED IT OUT ON A MAP BEFORE LAST WEEK!! GET OVER YOURSELVES!! I swear...these stupid countries. They love us when they need us and hate us the rest of the time. Why don't we just nuke them all and get it all over with (yeah...I'm talking about you France). I'm sure Randall agrees with me....

k, I'm done.

**please note: this is a slam against drunk people and how they act. this is not/not a slam against the mentally handicapped. Linz was especially worried that someone might find this offensive....God bless her.